Lent and Sympathy for Yourself

My toddler is at that age where life is just hard.  The golden age of never doing anything wrong is long past, and life for him is just one series of corrections, of being told what not to do, of being denied that which he wants most.  Of course he is much too young to understand why we can't simply give in to every whim he has, and that our imposing of these limits are for his ultimate good. So like most two-year-olds, he navigates life in an almost perpetual state of frustration. There are two ways we can handle this: we can either become frustrated, a state we succumb to many times, or we can have sympathy on him.  We can realize this is not an easy time for him, and do our best to love him through it. Sympathy for him does not mean we give him everything he wants.  But it does mean that we have empathy and allow our love to guide him where he needs to be, rather than simply getting angry with him.


This morning for example, another child confiscated some toys an older boy had set aside for another purpose.  When the two-year-old saw these toys he went into full on meltdown mode because he wanted them, but I couldn't give them to him because they had a) not been taken from him, and b) set aside by an older child and wrongly obtained by another.  Justice in a large family is tricky to navigate, but nothing is solved by caving to the whims of the youngest.  He parked himself on the stairs, and the waterworks began. I know there is no talking to him in this state (negotiating with a toddler is tricky at best, but calm is an absolutely essential beginning point!) So I had  him cross his arms - a trick I learned long ago that helps kids focus on you - looked him in the eye and said, "David, you need to stop crying." Every time he started again I would get him to look in my eyes and repeat it, until he eventually gave in and stopped crying.  Then I told him we needed to put the toys back and had him help me - making him part of the solution.  He still was not willing, and teetering on the edge of another meltdown finally we found him another activity to play at, coloring with his siblings.  They got him his own book and pencil crayons and before long, he had settled down.  It wasn't enough in other words just to recognize that he was upset, or even to understand why.  He needed to be part of the solution, and have another plan in place to divert his attention.

We are much the same. As we stand on the edge of Lent, this last day of feasting before this great time of fasting and introspection which begins tomorrow, it is important, as Msgr. Giussani always taught us, to have sympathy on ourselves.  Too often introspection and focus on our shortcomings leads us down a dark path of how wicked we are, how shameful we  have become.  We have this idea that we should never struggle, and faced with our own brokenness our temptation is to feel that we have failed.  One of the single greatest helps to me in recent years has been this idea of having mercy on myself, which Carron and Giussani both insist on. When I accept that these are human feelings, it takes the burden of fixing it off of me and helps me turn to Christ, who alone is capable of saving me.

But it can't stop there.  Because sympathy alone isn't enough to fix the problem.  We need to be part of the solution - and this is where Lent comes in. It gives us a time to pray, to turn to Christ in our need and to listen to Him. To be active participants in our salvation so that we are not like my toddler crying on the stairs.  Lent is an opportunity for Christ to say to us, "you need to stop crying - here's how we're going to fix this," and allow Him to lead us on.

This year when I was praying about what to do for Lent, I didn't focus so much on what I was going to give up (although I did pick a few things, because I'm a fasting type of girl!) I also thought of the bad habits I have picked up that contribute to my melancholy and feelings of restlessness, and decided to pick one or two things I could do to improve on those. My goal is that this is a change that won't just be for Lent but will extend into the rest of my life, and help me be closer to Christ on a daily basis.

Lent is like a launchpad.  It gives us an opportunity to take stock of our lives and right the ship when we've gone off course.  I pray it will be a time of deep reflection and return to fuller communion with God.  I don't need to stay stuck in my sinful ways, or feel surprised when I still struggle with the same things I've always struggled with - that is counterproductive.  It is far better to acknowledge my struggle, to have sympathy on myself, and to allow that to turn me back to Christ Who is my only hope for salvation.